Attaching the stereotactic head frame
the gamma knife radio surgery procedure takes an entire day and since i think the whole story would be too daunting for one post i have decided to break the day up into three parts.
the night before, i was given a glucose drip (i wouldn't be allowed to drink/eat for most of the day) and told i would be woken up at 7am and taken down in my wheelchair to have the metal head frame screwed onto my head. this stereotactic head frame helps keep your head absolutely still during all the following procedures and provides exact measurements for the neurosurgeons. if you are going to send beams of radiation into someones brain, you don't want to be 'off course' by even a hair. this was especially important because of where my AVM was situated. if the doctors made even the slightest miscalculation i could be blinded, paralysed or brain damaged. this is the part that the other neurosurgeon thought i wouldn't be able to handle. while they are screwing the head frame onto your skull, you must remain completely motionless.
i woke up at 6:30am spasming like crazy. i couldn't believe it, why wouldn't my body just listen to me. stop flailing! but my body was having none of that, it was gonna make the gamma knife procedure as difficult as possible. i went downstairs in my wheelchair, head rolling around on my neck. dr. chung looked at me and said "okay, we will just wait, don't worry". there were two other people scheduled for the same procedure that day, an old man with metal staples (obviously from previous brain surgery) in his shaved head and a younger woman, also with a shaved head. i felt a strange comradery with them, i didn't know them and we came from completely different cultures, but we were all going to go through the same physical 'hell' that day and with that came a common understanding, we were 'brothers in arms'. but they were both sitting perfectly still in their wheelchairs, why the hell couldn't i ?!
the other patients were allowed to go in first to give me time to 'hopefully' stop spasming. i was frustrated and petrified that i wasn't going to be able to go through with the procedure. i had made it to the doorway and wasn't going to be allowed in. of course, i was panicked and crying. dr. chung, colin and my dad tried to calm me down, but it was almost 8am, i had been convulsing for an hour and a half. i watched my 'brothers in arms' get wheeled out of the room complete with head frame. it was now or never, this HAD to happen. i went into the room still spasming, but the spasms had calmed down a bit. the nice-looking young doctor tried to reassure me and said, in perfect english; "this is the worst part, if you can do this, the rest is easy". okay, i could do this. 'mind over matter' - that became my maxim for the entire day.
the stereotactic metal head frame is screwed onto your head at 4 points, two on your forehead and two closer to the base of your skull at the back of your head. first, an anaesthetic is injected into all four points using a sword-like needle, excruciating! this anaesthetic actually causes swelling under the skin so you look like you have devil horns on your forehead (look closely at the picture). then the head frame is screwed onto your skull. it is screwed on incredibly tightly (about 2mm in) and causes huge pressure on your skull, but it is not actually screwed into your skull. i fainted on the third screw (left-back). apparently this is quite a common reaction, but a strange experience for me. my brain actually put my body into hibernation because the pain was too strong for me to handle while conscious.
i woke up lying on my back, very disorientated. i had done it! the stereotactic metal head frame was in place, and incredibly heavy. luckily there were no mirrors. i think if i had seen myself with the head frame on, i would have freaked out completely. but since i could only feel it, heavy and painful, i went through the rest of the day on autopilot. it was horrible, horrifying, traumatic, absolute torture; but i didn't have a choice. it had nothing to do with being brave and everything to do with just surviving.
