Since i am talking about physical recovery, i should also talk about my biggest obstacle right now, walking. we bought a wheelchair while my mom was here so that i could still travel around outside. and i still use it if the walk is longer than a few minutes. this is especially important in taipei as i used to walk everywhere, maybe catch a bus or the underground (MRT) where i would have to stand. because i know that i am not bound to the wheelchair for life (a huge blessing), it is still quite fun to be pushed around in it, especially when colin pretends we are in a racing car game ;-). it is a perfect dolly for the camera, so i have used it to take some great video footage. the wheelchair also makes dealing with crowds of people easier in some ways, everybody is eager to help you out if you look stuck, you go to the front of any queue and people are just generally nicer and more gentle towards you as you are perceived as weak, an invalid, someone to be pitied.
my mother and i encountered this several times and enjoyed some of the special treatment, but i know that if that wheelchair was mine forever i would start resenting the preferential treatment and the pity. for example, my mom and i went up to the top of Taipei 101 (the tallest building in the world) and there was a looong queue, but i had my own special entrance and got into the world's fastest elevator first. another experience was going shopping; i communicated in chinese to a deaf woman (through an interpreter) so that my mom could buy one of her paintings. we bought the painting and she gave me a pretty little bag for free with a look that said we were sisters, both being disabled. this incident made me feel like a fake, if the deaf woman had known my need for the wheelchair was temporary would she have given me that empathetic look and the gift ...
being stuck in a wheelchair is also, obviously, very frustrating. you cannot enter the majority of restaurants and shops as many have stairs and are too small inside for you to maneuver your wheelchair anyway. going shopping is also terrible because you are at the mercy of whoever is pushing you, so they often end up taking you down the wrong aisle or in the wrong direction, while you are desperately waving and pointing at where you really wanna end up. communicating with your 'pusher' also becomes irritating when trying to get the correct item off a shelf or a hanger. the conversation tends to sound something like this;
"this dress?"
"no, the other one."
"this one?"
"no, no, the purple one next to it."
"this one?!"
"no! godammit, i'll rip it down myself! aargh!"
it's not easy for either side to keep their tempers in this sort of situation. ultimately, i will be very happy when the wheelchair becomes just another chair in the house.
this is happening slowly, but surely. i overdid things when i first started walking outside, but i think i have learnt my lesson. now i am tentatively trying to do 5 - 10 minute walks only three times a week. after the walks i tend to collapse on the bed and pass out from exhaustion, but it is important for me to continue. not because the walks are good for my AVM, because they aren't (increased blood flow and all that), but because i need to keep some vestige of my former muscle strength and stamina. it is also good for my mental state to get outside once in a while. i still suffer from 'information overload' when i leave my quiet cocoon and enter the hectic world outside, but if i didn't continue to get out there, just imagine how much worse the shock would be after months and months of living like a hermit. i think my head would explode.
