Shame!

self-pity is such an ugly thing, but a good friend of mine told me that sometimes "it is okay to not be okay". i'm taking time off from being superwoman, but i'll be back!

Depression

i am trapped in a glass case.

the glass case is very small.
there is no space for anyone else and no one would want to join me.

people can see me and hear me,
but they don't really understand me.
they are running,
dancing,
talking,
drinking,
playing,
fucking,
being normal young adults.

i am sitting in my glass case being very careful not to move around too much,
not to get too excited, not to do too much of anything.
i don't want to break it.

there is a clock inside my glass case.
i have to follow it's hours carefully;
this many magic pills at this time and this many magic pills at another time.
wake up at the same time,
go to sleep at the same time,
eat the same thing at the same time.
don't deviate from the clock or the glass case will break.

my body is with me in the glass case,
it is strange,
unruly,
violent,
painful,
menacing.
is it really my body?

the glass case is getting murkier.
i have trouble seeing,
thinking,
feeling,
understanding,
being a part of the world.
am i a part of the world?

i have no meaning,
no utility,
no value,
no point.

alone
i start to lose perspective.

with my mind,
my body,
my clock.
in a darkening glass case.