i write this post with a suitable amount of guilt and shame at how i have neglected my dear blog and my faithful readers ... thanks guys for all the support! i'm not sure why i haven't written for so long. i get bored quickly so maybe i just needed to take a break, and maybe i just felt like i kept going on and on about the same thing and that needed to stop. i have also been doing quite a bit of 'work with words' on my computer already, what with the proofreading, editing and copywriting i have been doing - ok! i admit! it is not a lot of work, but remember, i have been on a seriously extended holiday and am now a lazy bugger. no, ok, i was always a lazy bugger ;-). the other reason is that i tried to take some of this blog and write it as a book. i sent what i had done to a writer friend of mine and was horrified at how much more he expected from me. scary! yes, a novel and a blog are two very different beasts! (i think i'm the only one who didn't realise that).
so, at the moment i am hiding under my blankets reading books and blaming it on the winter weather. although i have managed to have a few adventures ... but first lets dispense with the admin. HOORAY for sunday, 8 june - my 1 year and 5 months AVM discovery, no-smoking anniversary. and my 1 year and 2 months writing this blog anniversary. HOORAY for thursday, 12 june which was my 1 year and 4 months gamma knife radio surgery anniversary. and how am i feeling? pretty damn good, thank you! i've been on the cipramil for almost a month now and the horrible side effects went away after about a week - thank god! and i must admit that i am feeling a little bit more stable emotionally. not unnaturally happy, but just more content although i still feel sad and depressed sometimes - of course! so in a few days time i will start coming off the clonazepam again. i'm going to try and speed up the process a little as i have nearly weaned myself off the piracetam and i am really feeling good. my birthday is on 1 august and then i have this self-discovery course that i am going on at the end of august and i would prefer to be off as much medication as possible by that time. but i know i mustn't rush things. but i haven't had a convulsion in over a month! WOW WOW WOW! and the only probs i still have are some spasms sometimes and that popping in my ears.
this physical recovery has made it possible for me to get up to all the mischief that i have been recently. he he he. so i'll start with thursday night, 29 may. my lovely friend who stayed with me for a month was moving out and a guy that i know through my sister (who i am still not speaking to - blah!) wanted to go out for drinks that night. this guy is SEXY, but i had no designs until he started flirting with me like crazy before we were to go out. the night in question we went out to a bar near my house. had a great time getting drunk, talking shit, dancing etc. he was to sleep at my house so he didn't have to drive home drunk so we ended up in my lounge kissing and fooling around, but i refused to have sex. i dont do one night stands. anyway, we slept in separate beds and he left with a kiss and a good bye the next morning. now he is very busy with work and will contact me when he has free time to go out again - bit of a dead end there ... but fun nevertheless.
since then i have been partying with friends and having a great time. then on friday, 6 june i went out on the town with some friends. got very drunk and when they wanted to leave i decided that i was going to stay. i went to a club by myself with no idea how i was going to get home, but i really didn't care (a bit stupid and dangerous ...). i had a great time talking to random people and dancing. i managed to get a lift home with this really nice guy who ended up sitting in my lounge listening to me ramble on drunkenly for ages. eventually he went home and we kissed as he left. he took my number, but again - no further interest has been shown. he was a lovely guy, but i think he believes i'm a bit crazy ... not too far off the mark. again, i'm not too bothered by it. i wanted to dance, party and kiss cute guys and that is what i am doing. most men cant handle someone as loud and opinionated as me ... i'm a bit threatening or something, i dunno ;-).
a fling would be nice, but i have never done the chasing and i dont feel like starting now. i'm pretty happy being single and fabulous so, i'm not looking for anything - it can find me. mmhmm. this last weekend was also full of great fun and dancing with new and old friends. i do feel like a bit of hypocrite since i seem to remember lecturing about how i wasn't going to be a big drinker/party girl anymore. i had grown out of that - blah blah blah. but i have realised that i will always have a wild side, but i have changed and dont think i will be drinking so ridiculously in the future. as a friend said to me: i am coming out of a long-term illness and a long-term relationship (which was also a kind of illness - eugh!) so it is completely natural that i wanna spread my wings and have some FUN. god knows i deserve it!
since i mentioned the long-term ill ... uh ... relationship i might as well give an update on colin although the whole topic and the man himself is really starting to bore me (and you too, i'm sure!) well, after feeling a bond with him like i said in my last post, i then had a very educational chat with one of his friends and did a lot of thinking. i realise now that just because he was present while the whole brain surgery torture was happening doesn't mean that he actually has any understanding of what happened. like this mutual friend of ours said: i moved 20 steps ahead of him in the last year and a half and i was already 10 steps ahead of him when we started. disgusted and angry i decided to cut him out of my life. we were to have lunch before he left to go overseas for a few months ... i cancelled that and proceeded to ignore him. 'out of sight, out of mind'.
now he is overseas, but has some new girlfriend waiting for him here in SA. alone in a foreign country, after sending me hate mail because i cancelled our lunch date, he suddenly decides to send me a nice email pleading that i not ignore him. i'm an important person in his life. please! actions speak louder than words and it is only because he is lonely and bored that he now sends me this message. anyway, i decided to respond - i need to get over my bitterness as it is hurting me more than him. and why am i still so bitter, when i'm not even sure i like the guy anymore? i think i am crying for a broken dream, broken promises that were never real. anyway, if he emails me again, i will respond. when he returns to SA in september will i see him? i dont know. i'm past caring at this point.
now it's all about ME, baby, ME! (and all my beautiful friends of course - some of whom i miss with all my heart) oh AND my fantastically crazy, funny family! i really am a lucky girl!
so, at the moment i am hiding under my blankets reading books and blaming it on the winter weather. although i have managed to have a few adventures ... but first lets dispense with the admin. HOORAY for sunday, 8 june - my 1 year and 5 months AVM discovery, no-smoking anniversary. and my 1 year and 2 months writing this blog anniversary. HOORAY for thursday, 12 june which was my 1 year and 4 months gamma knife radio surgery anniversary. and how am i feeling? pretty damn good, thank you! i've been on the cipramil for almost a month now and the horrible side effects went away after about a week - thank god! and i must admit that i am feeling a little bit more stable emotionally. not unnaturally happy, but just more content although i still feel sad and depressed sometimes - of course! so in a few days time i will start coming off the clonazepam again. i'm going to try and speed up the process a little as i have nearly weaned myself off the piracetam and i am really feeling good. my birthday is on 1 august and then i have this self-discovery course that i am going on at the end of august and i would prefer to be off as much medication as possible by that time. but i know i mustn't rush things. but i haven't had a convulsion in over a month! WOW WOW WOW! and the only probs i still have are some spasms sometimes and that popping in my ears.
this physical recovery has made it possible for me to get up to all the mischief that i have been recently. he he he. so i'll start with thursday night, 29 may. my lovely friend who stayed with me for a month was moving out and a guy that i know through my sister (who i am still not speaking to - blah!) wanted to go out for drinks that night. this guy is SEXY, but i had no designs until he started flirting with me like crazy before we were to go out. the night in question we went out to a bar near my house. had a great time getting drunk, talking shit, dancing etc. he was to sleep at my house so he didn't have to drive home drunk so we ended up in my lounge kissing and fooling around, but i refused to have sex. i dont do one night stands. anyway, we slept in separate beds and he left with a kiss and a good bye the next morning. now he is very busy with work and will contact me when he has free time to go out again - bit of a dead end there ... but fun nevertheless.
since then i have been partying with friends and having a great time. then on friday, 6 june i went out on the town with some friends. got very drunk and when they wanted to leave i decided that i was going to stay. i went to a club by myself with no idea how i was going to get home, but i really didn't care (a bit stupid and dangerous ...). i had a great time talking to random people and dancing. i managed to get a lift home with this really nice guy who ended up sitting in my lounge listening to me ramble on drunkenly for ages. eventually he went home and we kissed as he left. he took my number, but again - no further interest has been shown. he was a lovely guy, but i think he believes i'm a bit crazy ... not too far off the mark. again, i'm not too bothered by it. i wanted to dance, party and kiss cute guys and that is what i am doing. most men cant handle someone as loud and opinionated as me ... i'm a bit threatening or something, i dunno ;-).
a fling would be nice, but i have never done the chasing and i dont feel like starting now. i'm pretty happy being single and fabulous so, i'm not looking for anything - it can find me. mmhmm. this last weekend was also full of great fun and dancing with new and old friends. i do feel like a bit of hypocrite since i seem to remember lecturing about how i wasn't going to be a big drinker/party girl anymore. i had grown out of that - blah blah blah. but i have realised that i will always have a wild side, but i have changed and dont think i will be drinking so ridiculously in the future. as a friend said to me: i am coming out of a long-term illness and a long-term relationship (which was also a kind of illness - eugh!) so it is completely natural that i wanna spread my wings and have some FUN. god knows i deserve it!
since i mentioned the long-term ill ... uh ... relationship i might as well give an update on colin although the whole topic and the man himself is really starting to bore me (and you too, i'm sure!) well, after feeling a bond with him like i said in my last post, i then had a very educational chat with one of his friends and did a lot of thinking. i realise now that just because he was present while the whole brain surgery torture was happening doesn't mean that he actually has any understanding of what happened. like this mutual friend of ours said: i moved 20 steps ahead of him in the last year and a half and i was already 10 steps ahead of him when we started. disgusted and angry i decided to cut him out of my life. we were to have lunch before he left to go overseas for a few months ... i cancelled that and proceeded to ignore him. 'out of sight, out of mind'.
now he is overseas, but has some new girlfriend waiting for him here in SA. alone in a foreign country, after sending me hate mail because i cancelled our lunch date, he suddenly decides to send me a nice email pleading that i not ignore him. i'm an important person in his life. please! actions speak louder than words and it is only because he is lonely and bored that he now sends me this message. anyway, i decided to respond - i need to get over my bitterness as it is hurting me more than him. and why am i still so bitter, when i'm not even sure i like the guy anymore? i think i am crying for a broken dream, broken promises that were never real. anyway, if he emails me again, i will respond. when he returns to SA in september will i see him? i dont know. i'm past caring at this point.
now it's all about ME, baby, ME! (and all my beautiful friends of course - some of whom i miss with all my heart) oh AND my fantastically crazy, funny family! i really am a lucky girl!
