colin and i broke up last night. yes, again! this time for good. we had another fight that ended really badly. then i cried for a couple of hours while we talked and he told me how miserable he was and how much i irritated him ... among other things. so much for my positive attitude. so much for my 'good feelings' about the future. so much for feeling 'strong'. HA! what a joke!
i am crying again this morning. my heart is fucking sore. i thought everything was going well, i was happy and i thought he was too! apparently i was mistaken. this is so much worse than if we had just ended it the first time i broke up with him. he made me believe that he loved me and that he would do anything to make things work between us. we spoke about plans for the future and i believed them. HA! what a fool!
i guess it is quite fitting that i chose april 1 to come off my clonazepam - happy april fool's day sue! you fucking idiot. and now? i dont know when i will see him again. i am a mess, but i will get better. just as i felt the last time ... right now i am depressed, crying, hysterical, fucked up! but sometime in the future ... i wont be. i am going out with friends today - THANK GOD! - and i am going to try and have a good time. i am going to try not to talk about it too much, but i might cry - it is 'my thing' after all.
and then ...? i will wait for my heart to heal and the sadness and disappointment to fade. i will wait and i will be strong again. i will be happy and positive again. but not just yet ...
man, aint life a bitch?!
i am crying again this morning. my heart is fucking sore. i thought everything was going well, i was happy and i thought he was too! apparently i was mistaken. this is so much worse than if we had just ended it the first time i broke up with him. he made me believe that he loved me and that he would do anything to make things work between us. we spoke about plans for the future and i believed them. HA! what a fool!
i guess it is quite fitting that i chose april 1 to come off my clonazepam - happy april fool's day sue! you fucking idiot. and now? i dont know when i will see him again. i am a mess, but i will get better. just as i felt the last time ... right now i am depressed, crying, hysterical, fucked up! but sometime in the future ... i wont be. i am going out with friends today - THANK GOD! - and i am going to try and have a good time. i am going to try not to talk about it too much, but i might cry - it is 'my thing' after all.
and then ...? i will wait for my heart to heal and the sadness and disappointment to fade. i will wait and i will be strong again. i will be happy and positive again. but not just yet ...
man, aint life a bitch?!
