Anniversary

one year, one year, one year. i'm half-way, half-way, half-way.

yes ... it is indeed the half-way point for me. exactly a year ago today i was in a taiwanese hospital in pink pyjamas with a stereotactic head frame screwed onto my skull, post cerebral angiography and waiting to be called for the last part of my gamma knife radio surgery - the actual radiation therapy.

my memory is so vivid and yet it feels like a lifetime away. although i am still very much aware of 'the little bugger' squatting on my brain stem, limiting my life and giving me spasms. this is supposed to be the turning point, now i should really see some improvement. well, i have already made drastic steps forward in my recovery as well as being reigned back a few times by my brain when i have gotten over-excited and overdone things.

right now? i am still pretty housebound, but mainly because cape town is not like taipei. i cant just catch a taxi to get around. i have found myself desperately trying to make contact with old friends, trying to organise outings and just generally trying to avoid the anti-social behaviour that i was exhibiting in taiwan. i know a lot of people in cape town, but i dont have many friends. i am finding it extremely difficult to build a social life for myself. A) because i have limitations as to what i can do, B) because i dont have my own transport and C) because cape town people are busy, busy, busy - there's always an excuse as to why they cant do things - sometimes there's not even a reply.

i know that my feelings of loneliness are compounded by the fact that i sit at home by myself all day as opposed to having to go to work and i know that i am sounding bitter now. but i am starting to get frustrated ... i am trying my hardest to get out and do things, to rejoin the human race and avoid becoming lonely, anti-social and depressed, but my efforts are constantly being thwarted by flakey people who cant make decisions and change their minds at the last moment. for example, this last weekend i had plans for friday night, saturday and sunday. i ended up staying at home the whole weekend because i either couldnt get a lift somewhere or people cancelled. thank god i had colin to keep me company!

but i mustnt bitch. it is noone's fault that i am stuck in this predicament. everyone else has their own busy, busy lives to lead. so i'll just stay at home and try to keep myself busy.

PS. i would like to make a formal apology for the rampant self-pity and bitterness exhibited in this post - shame on me! ;-)