Resolution

so, colin sent me an sms a few hours after he had left for work."please can i stay at your house?" i let him. why?! because i am stupid and i love him. then i spent a wonderful day at the beach with friends who all decided that the whole thing was ridiculous and he couldn't possibly mean it. i went home with some hope. got horribly sick ... by myself in the house for 2 hours while my mom was out and colin was at a jazz concert. but i was ok ... i have to get used to being on my own again i reasoned, what better time to start.

colin came back and told me how awful our relationship was and how miserable he was. he broke up with me again. i was/am destroyed. i had opened my heart to him and he trampled all over it. i guess what makes it so awful is that it came as a complete surprise to me. i thought things were going really well ... we have a fight (admittedly not the first) and BAM! he cant stand to live with me anymore.

i should never have gotten back together with him. I gave HIM a second chance! and then he turns around and throws it in my face. i am a mess now, two days ago i was doing great. i am at the sad, crying stage ... hope i reach the self-righteous, strong stage soon.

the worst thing is that he is still in my house trying to "comfort" me - bleugh! but i am putting a stop to that ... from now on i dont want to talk to him or have any contact. that was my new year's resolution. HA! well, it is coming into effect as of now!