as fate would have it, just as i finished writing about my wonderful weekend and my new attitude towards my situation i got hit with a 45 minute doozy of a convulsion.
complete with muscle tearing, brain bursting, skull shaking, eye rolling, pain and terror, but this time i didn't despair or cry. i took a xanax and just got angry, impatient.
i am sick of being sick. so i will continue to go for my walks and write my blog and do things that make me feel useful and worthwhile even if that means more convulsions. is this a good attitude?
i don't know. probably not. maybe it is a dangerous attitude, maybe i am in denial, but i am running out of patience and i need some semblance of a life to retain my sanity.
i want to feel like i have some kind of control, over my body, my movements, my life.
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