It's amazing how quickly the human body can deteriorate, become weak. things that you could do effortlessly only a few months ago suddenly become monumental tasks or even impossible. spend a few months not leaving your house; lying down or sitting (supported) the majority of the time and your muscle strength, your lung capacity, your coordination, your ability to digest food, everything that your body just used to do, suddenly requires your intense concentration, your help and often physical therapy. now, i am not going to presume to write about the physical problems of recuperation generally, but i want to share some of the things that i, personally, have experienced/am experiencing.
of course, the mere nature of my condition causes physical incapacitation in some ways. I used to find/still find walking and standing incredibly difficult. to combat this, i developed a 'bent-over, shuffle walk' (otherwise known as, 'the granny sue') to navigate my flat or sometimes i had to have support from someone if my legs were just collapsing under me. now, i am able to navigate the inside of my flat without significant difficulty. i had to have a bath every day as i wasn't able to stand in the shower and finally being able to shower by myself, wash my hair by myself, even shave standing up; that was a huge victory for me about two months ago. but, i still sit on the toilet to brush my teeth, brush my hair, put on moisturiser etc.
personal hygiene is also very important when you are housebound. most days i don't leave the flat, i don't see anyone except colin and dina (our phillipino house assistant) so it can become tempting to stop washing your face, body and hair, to stop brushing your hair and your teeth, stop shaving every day. nobody is going to see you or smell you, you are not going out into public for days at a time so, why bother? this way lies depression. so, i make sure that i shower, brush my teeth and hair, wash my face and use moisturising cream every day. it is important to keep these rituals, both for health reasons and also to keep yourself feeling like a human. even if you can't take part in public life and don't have much contact with other humans, you can still make sure you act like one in private.
i have to admit that i have 'let myself go' in some ways. i don't shave or wash my hair nearly as often as i used to, and i don't wear deodorant unless i know i am going to see other people. these are things that i used to do for the benefit of those around me, they seem kinda pointless if i am going to spend all day lying on the couch, in my pyjamas, by myself. plus, i have come to terms with the fact that i have eternal 'bedhead' ;-). i have also stopped using half the silly eye creams, neck creams and face masks that i used to. my former obsession with wrinkles seems so shallow, unimportant now. but if i get half the chance, i still love decorating my exquisite self ;-).
the other part of my life that i have had to become very strict about is my eating habits. when the body is under extreme stress it can adversely affect the digestive system. i, for example, have developed irritable bowel syndrome, partly because the brain controls the way the stomach operates and my brain is not functioning properly. i also get virtually no exercise, which inhibits my digestive system function and can lead to chronic constipation, so i need to eat a lot of fibre and avoid stodgy food. and, being female, i worry about not putting on too much weight, which means cutting down on the amount of carbohydrates, sugars and fats i eat. i eat very little 'junk food', sweets or chocolate and i try to avoid bread, rice, caffeine etc. i don't need the same amount of energy i used to when i was running around teaching crazy, little, taiwanese kids so, i don't need to eat as much food. i am also far more conscious about eating healthy foods that will help my body in the healing process, especially since the medication i take is already putting a huge strain on my liver.
another important part of the healing process is sleep and rest. i can get exhausted doing too much of anything, even if it is just typing on the computer or reading a book. in fact, if i talk too much i start getting short of breath. i always try and listen to my body and whenever i need to sleep, i do. it also helps that i love afternoon naps ;-). being this weak and helpless is also very frustrating for me when i'm used to being young and strong. it was/is a big adjustment learning what my body is capable of and what it can't handle right now, but i just have to keep reminding myself to have patience, a lot of patience, and that i will be back on the dance floor and running around when my body is ready. no sooner and no later than that.
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