Check-Up

August 2 - August 6 2007

so, i had a lovely birthday thanks to colin, but i also had no 'nanny' thanks to the taiwanese immigration police. colin and i were very worried about this so we called everybody that we knew hoping like hell that we could find someone quickly. it was not just the prospect of me having to stay at home by myself that worried us, but dina's arrest couldn't have come at a worse time as i had my 6 month MRI check-up scheduled for 1:30 pm at the veteran's hospital on monday, august 6. i had to have someone accompany me to the hospital and colin had just taken two days off, it would've looked really bad if he had to suddenly take a third day too.

i spent thursday, august 2 at home alone, which was pretty scary as i was starting to feel the effects of the exertion of the move. i had an hour-long convulsion at 5 am where my body was alternately shaking so fast i could feel my brain rattling in my skull and then stiffening into painful contortions. i also had terrible nausea, vertigo, trouble walking and that awful feeling of crawling and pressure inside my brain that i have described before. the terrifying thing about the fast, body-shaking convulsions (clonic) is that you feel that at any moment you could lose consciousness as the shaking gets faster and faster. the stiffening part of my convulsions (tonic) are more scary to watch, i think, as my face is often pulled to form horrible expressions or my whole body will arch backward to the point that the back of my head is painfully digging into my shoulder muscles. basically the convulsions were the same as before, but they had returned with a vengeance.

this was awful for colin as he had to leave me and go to work at 8 am after just having nursed me through a horrifying convulsion, but i managed to survive the rest of the day by myself. the most important thing is to try and remain calm - not so easy when you are scared and alone - but i just had to imagine myself as a powerful, calm woman who wasn't scared of this silly little AVM at all. I had to trick myself into believing that i could handle another attack with ease. luckily, i didn't have to. colin came home and we were lucky enough to find someone to replace dina the next day, friday august 3. she was/is also an illegal phillipino immigrant called rose. so, rose had one day to get used to me and the house before she would have to take me to the hospital for my MRI on monday.

finally, the long-awaited day had arrived. it was 6 months after my gamma knife radio surgery and i was going back to the veteran's hospital for my first check-up. i was still feeling ill and suffering from convulsions that weekend, but nothing could dampen my spirits. 6 is the magic number, i felt like i had reached an important milestone and that i would finally be able to see the amazing progress i had made. i would finally be able to see how much 'the little bugger' on my brain stem had shrunk. WOO HOO! unfortunately i would only see the results of my MRI a week later, but that was not important, it was the fact that i had gotten this far. my life was surely about to change.

so, on monday, august 6 rose and i took a taxi to the veteran's hospital. i could tell she was nervous. she didn't know me or the hospital and had no idea how to push a wheelchair - we ended up driving into walls and counters, almost knocked over some poor old taiwanese man hobbling along with his drip-stand, got stuck in one or two elevators and rode over quite a few angry toes. i had made sure that i was nicely 'drugged-up' for the MRI with xanax and extra clonazepam as i knew that it was going to be very loud inside the machine and in my current, unstable condition that noise could easily have triggered spasms. just the taxi ride to the hospital was enough to make me feel nauseous. unfortunately it fell to me, drugged as i was, to navigate us around the 'red tape' and unending halls of the veteran's hospital. it was like the blind leading the blind and i am amazed that we managed to do all that was needed to be done that day.

we eventually made it to the MRI section of the hospital. i changed my clothes and removed all metallic objects before being pushed inside the claustrophobic cocoon of the MRI machine. i was a pro by this time, this being my third MRI and i could tell immediately that this machine was not as new as it should be. the noise was deafening and the machine actually shook during some parts of the examination. thank god for xanax! after about 30 minutes i was done. "where do i go to pay?"
"you don't need to pay, the government has already paid for you." thank god for government-funded medical care!

so, now all i (drugged, disoriented and nauseous) needed to do was navigate rose - who was proving to be a bit on the slow side - around the labyrinth of hospital corridors to find the correct counter to make an appointment to see dr. chung, my neurosurgeon in a weeks time. then i could get the good news and gaze upon the glory of my healthy brain stem, only slightly marred by a teeny-tiny AVM. but aaargh! i couldn't see dr chung next week, i would have to wait two weeks. so, with no other choice i made my appointment for tuesday, august 21. i would just have to wait a little longer for the good news.